“You fight like a dairy farmer!” If you know the correct response to that insult, then you’ve played Monkey Island. LucasArts (formerly LucasFilms) created one of the most memorable point and click adventure game series ever when they developed their swashbuckling, puzzle-solving, insult-driven combat adventure. Today we celebrate the Monkey Island series by showing off three great speedruns, one for each of the first three games. So grab a bottle of grog and watch our runners go at it.
The current world record run performed by cryptones is the original 1990 version, so it doesn’t have the hilarious voice acting of the remake. What it does have is the defeat of the swordmaster within the first ten minutes, setting sail in about 21, and a fireworks show at 36 minutes. Try doing all that in real life and see how long it takes you.
Played on the original 1991 version, this is a segmented run of Monkey Island 2, which is why it won’t show up on the leaderboards. Despite this, it’s a relatively clean run and only beats the legitimate world record by less than a minute. Try not to go blind when you see Guybrush wearing a pink dress, or laugh at the name Booty Island.
The same runner holds the record both for the regular mode and Mega Monkey mode of Curse of Monkey Island. Even with the added puzzles, he clocks in at less than half an hour. For an extra challenge, try to decipher the insults and retorts before they’re skipped over. This game’s the French version, so good luck with that.
Sadly, there are no speedruns of Escape from Monkey Island. Nor has there been another game in the series since Tales in 2009. It seems Guybrush Threepwood has put to shore. But not before saying this:
“How appropriate. You fight like a cow! Now look at what else is on The Nerd Stash before I spray root beer on you!”