Are you a massive fan of the Early Access Steam multiplayer shooter game World War 3 and have $5 million burning a hole in your pocket? Have you seen that, in anticipation of moving to a free-to-play closed beta on November 25, that you can purchase a number of closed beta packs for the game? And then did you see with your rich, foolish eyes that there was an option to buy the President Pack, which just so happens to cost the exact same amount of money that you’ve been dying to spend?
Too bad! Because according to the World War 3 website, someone beat you to it.
Now, I know what you’re asking: why would I spend a cool five mil when I could just spend a measly $300 on the Major Pack? After all, it will give me perks like access to the closed beta, Battle Pass, a banner that shows when you kill someone, the ability to customize my weapons with various emblems, a “selection” of gear, camouflage, skins, and attachments for weapons and vehicles, and 15,000 in-game currency bucks. Surely, that will be enough to quench my insatiable thirst for all things World War 3!
And if that’s good enough for you, that’s fine! There’s nothing wrong with a quiet life of mediocrity. You can hang out with the Lieutenants and Sergeants, enjoying your run-of-the-mill perks, customizing your gear and vehicles, and budgeting your in-game currency as you tut-tut the lowly Privates. But we both know that, deep down, you’ll secretly dream of the life that you didn’t have the courage to pursue—the life of The President.
What’s so great about being The President, anyway? Well, in addition to all those perks that get doled out to the plebeians, you’ll get:
- A unique player avatar. That’s right: that’s you underneath all that grey and brown camouflage. That you won’t be able to see because the game is a first-person shooter. But other people will know!
- A map based on your home town. Ever wondered what it would look like if the Chili’s in your Podunk became a field hospital? Bring your fantasies to life!
- A real-life replica “Ronin Helmet”! Put in on your head! Or not! The world is your oyster.
- The leading role in the World War 3 movie!
As of yet, details about the upcoming feature film are scant. According to the website for the World War 3 game, you’ll be “a star in your very own movie,” one that will be “written, directed by, and starring world-class talent!” It’s destined to be a classic!
The more cynical among us might think that no one purchased The President Pack and that the whole thing is just a stunt to drum up interest in the game. They might also think that there’s a 0% chance that a movie based on the World War 3 multiplayer game will actually happen and that the Ronin helmet looks pretty dumb.
I, however, choose to believe that our President exists. They’re out there, somewhere, flush with in-game currency, chatting with famous actors and writers, and wearing a cool helmet.