It’s finally time for part two of Speedrun Fast’s Worst Games Ever. If you missed part one, see it here. Everyone else, gird your loins, because we’re showing off select titles from gaming’s most infamous system, the Phillips CD-i. Now, you would think that finding games from this system to fit the theme would be easy, and you’d be right… it’s too easy, in fact. The games are so bad, and many of them are on-rails, that there frankly just aren’t a whole lot of options. I watched each and every one of those, and here are the ones I thought were the least boring.
The only “skill” required in many Phillips CD-i games is timing, and Golf is no exception. It’s featured here because the situations are ridiculous, which makes it less painful to sit and watch. But only slightly. Let’s move on.
Yeah, I know. I cheated. This is the Genesis version of Dark Castle, not the Phillips CD-i version. I didn’t have a choice, and it just had to have a spot here. I agree wholeheartedly with the black knight: blech. Blech. Blech. Oh, be warned: mute your volume for this next one.
That awful sound. There is no serious speedrun of Hotel Mario anywhere on the Internet. This is the closest you’ll ever find. And now that the second most famous of Youtube poop material is out of the way… yeah, you know what’s coming… all three of them…
Apologies. This is a 2-players-one-controller speedrun, and the video is only up on Twitch. Run starts at the five-minute mark.
It is written: only Link can speedrun Faces of Evil. If you haven’t noticed, I’m running out of snarky comments to make about these games. And let’s face it – any joke I can make has already been made.
Wand of Gamelon. The single most notorious game on the Phillips CD-i, scored even worse than Faces of Evil. That being said leave it to a speedrunner to make it interesting enough to watch. He even did the dark rooms without the lantern. Without the lantern!
Well, thank God that’s over. To think there would be games so atrocious even speedrunners would steer clear of them. Hopefully you got some enjoyment out of these abominations of mankind. I could have just shown the Zelda games, and I seriously considered doing so, but I really wanted to feature other games because the Zelda-only route would have been, well, trite. Don’t worry, next time we’re getting back to the good stuff. No more terrible games for us!
Matt Eschbach is a PC, Mac and Android indie game developer and fiction writer. His works have won multiple monetary awards from various contests. Graduating college in 2012 with a major in Game Design, Matt spends his time making stuff up and then building it. His favorite hobby… is sleeping.