So you think you’re a fan of the Halo series. You say, “It’s my favorite video game franchise!” and “Halo is why I own an Xbox!” I bet you’re super excited for the release of Halo: Infinite and have kept up on all the news. Right. I’ve heard it before. But how can I be sure that you’re legit? Are you a fair-weather fan who’s just played the hits, or have you stuck around during the darker times, as well? Are you all talk, or do you own a life-sized Halo Infinite Master Chief standee, as a true Halo fan would? Xbox is selling them on their website right now. What are you waiting for?
“That’s a pretty high bar to measure fandom,” I hear you whine. You think it’s enough to own other Halo: Infinite collectibles, don’t you? You think that drinking coffee out of a Halo Infinite Master Chief Line Art Laser Engraved Tumbler is a sufficient indicator of your fandom. “I have both the 30oz and 20oz versions!” you say. “I even have the Halo Infinite Misriah Armory Laser Engraved Water Bottle, so I can make sure that all of my drinking vessels are Halo: Infinite branded!” But all I hear are excuses. Because when I look around your living room, I don’t see any life-sized Halo Infinite Master Chief Standees.
I’m sorry, did you really have the audacity to point to your Halo Infinite Master Chief Funko POP! as evidence that you’re a true Halo fan? You are aware that it’s only approximately 3.75″ tall? Does that sound life-sized to you? I can see you’re getting nervous. You can tell that I see right through the veneer of your pseudo-fandom. Your eyes dart to the Halo Infinite ‘Air Support’ Concept Art Premium Print that hangs on your wall, but you know it’s not enough. You’ve been found out.
Let me break it down for you: the life-sized Halo Infinite Master Chief Standee is over 6 feet of pure gaming loyalty/cardboard. It’s got an easel on the back so it can be free-standing, just like the real Master Chief. It’s…nonrefundable. Look, there’s not a whole lot to say about it. It’s a standee. You either get it, or you don’t.
You race to your computer, credit card in hand. You need to prove your fandom to me, sure, but also to yourself. But you’re too late. It’s sold out. You slump back in your chair, dejected. You look down at your Halo Happy Halo-ween Tee, Halo Master Chief 360-Degree Crew Socks, and Halo Infinite Sherpa Blanket and wonder if you really deserve to call yourself a Halo fan. You enter your email address in the “email me when available” field and wait for answers.