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Home»Human Interest»ICE Arrests Jesus, a Carpenter From Pennsylvania: ‘MAGA Would Crucify Him if Ever Given the Chance’

ICE Arrests Jesus, a Carpenter From Pennsylvania: ‘MAGA Would Crucify Him if Ever Given the Chance’

ICE would totally deport the actual Jesus if given the chance

AugustBy AugustJuly 30, 20252 Mins Read
ICE Arrests Jesus, a Carpenter From Pennsylvania
Image Source: Paul Zoetemeijer via Unsplash

In an ironic turn of events, ICE has taken Jesus the carpenter into custody, but this isn’t the Savior of Nazareth, but a Venezuelan who has sought asylum in Pennsylvania. While Jesus Teran’s English language skills are lacking, he has worked hard as a carpenter’s apprentice to provide for his family, while also doing other jobs on the side. Teran hasn’t been hiding from the law either, as he’s been “faithfully appearing at ICE appointments for more than four years” and “was following the protocols of ICE.”

“He was complying with everything he’s supposed to do…All of a sudden, he’s detained,” Reverand Jay Donahue of Teran’s church told the Observer Reporter. Others in Teran’s community have chimed in as well, claiming he’s someone who helps those in need and is “the neighbor that everyone would want.” Still, there’s no telling of the odds that he will end up getting deported, as the Trump administration has been relentlessly using ICE to terrorize and strike fear into the hearts of immigrants all over the country.

ICE arrested a carpenter named Jesus. Now his family is speaking out: ‘Didn’t do anything wrong’
byu/Disastrous_Award_789 innottheonion

“I always suspected that MAGA would crucify Jesus if ever given the chance,” remarked a Reddit user. Another person added that if the Son of God did return and come to America to tell people how to be good Christians, “he would either be shot or detained.” “Or deported,” adds a reply. Several Facebook commenters also echo the same sentiment about Teran’s arrest. “Pretty much what they would do with the savior if he came back,” remarks one user.

Evil Pennsylvania Karen Calls Cops on Innocent New Neighbors, Lies That They Are ‘Cooking Drugs’: ‘She’s Totally Nuts’
Related: Evil Pennsylvania Karen Calls Cops on Innocent New Neighbors, Lies That They Are ‘Cooking Drugs’: ‘She’s Totally Nuts’

“The simulation isn’t even trying to be subtle anymore,” ponders a Redditor. It is quite a coincidence that Jesus Teran works as a carpenter and “didn’t do anything wrong,” according to The Independent. Whatever the case, to ICE, Teran is just another number to fill their quota, regardless of whether he’s living in the States legally or if he resembles a particular Biblical figure.

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August

August Webb is TNS's Lead Guide Editor who additionally helps in covering celebrity and pop culture news. She provides assistance to other freelancers and staff on trendy topics to write about. When not working, she's playing a visual novel, fanning over an indie gem, or lost in the world of VR. Residing in Daegu, South Korea, August has a Bachelor's, double-majoring in Media and Communication and Business Administration. She graduated in Yeungnam University of Gyeongsan, South Korea. August's areas of expertise include Game Strategy Guides, Video Game Features, and Celebrity News and Gossip. August has worked in online media for over four years since 2021. Starting out as a freelancer, she's written for TNS, ScreenRant of Valnet, and Gamepur of GAMURS GROUP. She has experience publishing short and long-form video game guides, game features, and game reviews. Currently serving as the Lead Guide Editor for the Guide Writing department at The Nerd Stash, she edits a variety of articles while also helping with providing topics to write about via tools like Google Trends or SemRush. She works alongside TNS's Editorial Team, discussing and executing strategies to better improve the site's traffic and experience for users.

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