I like food, but in the way that I need it to meet my day-to-day needs and survive. There aren’t any particular foods that I eat routinely or often enough to be able to say that they’re among my favorites. Unfortunately for one Costco almond poppy seed muffin-loving Texas girl, one of her favorite foods became her undoing. Okay, maybe not her undoing, but she did fail a school-mandated drug test because of just how often she consumes those particular muffins. This is the kind of story that sounds like it came from an Adult Swim cartoon’s script.
The video was posted to Lauren Aikenn’s account, a girl living in Texas who posts rather infrequently about her life. However, one of those videos absolutely soared in views: her younger sister sobbing because she had discovered she failed a school-mandated drug test for traces of morphine. How on Earth did she even ingest morphine, you ask? She had eaten the almond poppy seed muffins from Costco every morning for who knows how long.
You can see the young girl freaking out and crying as she waves her arms in front of her, trying to grasp onto the situation. There is even a point where you can see her mouth, “I don’t even smoke.” Eventually, what appears to be her father shows up and gives her a hug, eyeing the camera as a sign to tell Lauren to stop filming. Honestly, that sounds like an absolutely horrifying situation, especially if she was able to make her case on how morphine got into her system. If I were the administrators at her school, I don’t think I’d believe for a second that she had eaten that many muffins.
Of course, stranger things have happened, and plenty of commentators were sure to let her know that, with one person even saying, “I worked with someone who consumed heavy amounts of poppy seeds, failed a drug test got fired and sued the company for it. She won.” I doubt that the girl will go so far as to sue her school, though she should definitely let it be known what happened. I’m sure she has receipts.
Other commentators showed a bit less empathy, sharing that the same thing would have happened to them in this situation, with one person saying, “I don’t blame her. I dream about those poppy seed muffins.” Even Maureen Kelly, founder of Tarte cosmetics, commented something similar, saying, “I can’t blame her, poppyseed muffins hit different.”
