xXx: Return of Xander Cage Trailer Parties Like It’s 2002

Being that I’m only twenty, I rarely feel old. There are days where I feel as though my formative years were just yesterday. However, when watching the trailer for xXx: The Return of Xander Cage, I’m reminded of how long ago they really were. Folks welcome back to the time when Xtreme sports and Mountain Dew were the ways into the youthful hearts. In fact, I remember seeing the trailer for the original xXx and thinking it looked incredibly cool. I was also five years old.

I do have to give this movie credit for leaning completely into its ridiculous premise. This isn’t just a Xtreme sports action hero anymore. This is a guy who Skis on a snowless hill, and skateboards on the side of cars. After all, it’s now a CIA requirement to “look dope” when kicking ass. Also, notice how every piece of dialogue is comprised of the characters acting like used car salesman for their own movie. “Step right up and get some GUNS, GALS, and GLOBAL DOMINATION.” After all, if they’re excited about xXx being back, surely people will be too.

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stb7iIn1CDA[/embedyt]

There’s certainly a chance that this could be a fun movie. Vin Diesel is endlessly charismatic, and he’s assembled quite a supporting cast here. You’ve got Samuel L. Jackson in his customary mentor role, along with ass kickers Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa. You’ve even got a decent action director at the helm in D.J. Caruso (Eagle Eye, Disturbia). Sure, it looks like he lives in Zack Snyder’s slow-mo village, but for this kind of movie, it works. After all, it’s not XTREME if you can’t watch a sick instant replay.

This ridiculous movie will open January 20th when we’re nice and tired of Oscar movies. Let’s face it, I’ll see you all there.

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