It’s so easy for people to suggest just leaving someone who’s abusing you. The truth is, it’s rarely that simple, especially with finances, kids, and home thrown into the mix. In the meantime, things can quickly escalate and turn even more dangerous than before. As a precautionary tale, one Virginia mother shares why it was so difficult for her to get out of her abusive relationship. It sounds unsurprisingly similar to so many others.
To dispel the notion that victims can always ‘just leave,’ TikToker Shawnna opens up about her ex-husband. According to Shawnna, he treated her so well that she called him her “knight in shining armor” to others. Once they moved in together and had a child, he showed his true colors. He started “isolating” her, making her feel scared and worried she’d end up alone. As she put it, “the thought of leaving was scarier than the thought of staying.”
Shawnna continues, pointing out that a lot of people won’t realize they’re involved in an abusive relationship “until it’s far too late.” There were so many signs: He told her she couldn’t hang out with certain people because he didn’t like them. He told her certain loved ones weren’t good for her and she shouldn’t spend time with them.
In reality, he was the dangerous one. But when they make you feel like they’re the best thing you’ll get, it is incredibly isolating and confusing. Shawnna said abusers put things in your head that make it seem like these things are “in the best interest for you.”
Before Shawnna knew it, she was all alone and didn’t have anybody to rely on. This made it incredibly difficult for her to seek help in the midst of her abusive relationship. She became “completely dependent” on him.
Shawnna adds that, “Many abusers go after people who don’t have a support system; they don’t have anywhere else to go.” And at the time, she was already living in an abusive home with her “toxic” grandmother. Her ex-husband was the only person she could turn to, and that’s the goal of the abuser.
Comments on Shawnna’s TikTok video were overwhelmingly supportive, and many even shared their own experience.
One commenter talked of the isolation. “I remember I used to have to cry in my exes arms after he beat me because I had no one else to hold me when I cried over it.” And it still doesn’t make a difference.
“People always love saying “couldn’t be me” until it’s them,” said another. Understand that it has nothing to do with being weak or a failure. It just speaks to how crafty abusers can be.
