Lately, the movie It Follows has gained a ton of worth-of-mouth buzz (click that linkโฆ itโs a great article). Itโs the horror movie that seems to be taking America (and probably other countries) by storm. And to be 100% honest, I donโt get it.

My original Facebook post after seeing the movie was:
If youโre craving an anachronistic, slow-burning, 70s style horror movie about ghost STDs and co-starring Daria, It Follows is the movie for you.
Great cinematography. Dumb concept
Andโgod dammitโI stand by that comment. But it sparked a ton of outrage from some people who tend to make mountains of molehills. One in particularโwho we will call โChad Betterthanyouโโpointed out that it got a 98% on Rotten Tomatoes. I pointed out that Rotten Tomatoes is the Wikipedia of critical sites, but I also have to admit its great review is basically the reason I paid theater money to see this movie. I also checked Ebert and he gave it 4.5 stars.

First of all, let me say that I have a B.A. in English Writing and minor in Philosophy from a pretty decent university. Subtlety, metaphor, and weird shit are basically what I studied for six years in college (also majored in Poverty and minored in Unemploymentโand yesโฆ I did say 6 years. Pick a major and stick with it, kids). I loved Visioneers (watch it today, right now), Children of Men, Halloween, and Dog Day Afternoon (to name but a few). I have no problem with slow-burning, metaphorical, ambiguous movies. Those are the things I hear most about It Follows. Iโve been told I just donโt get it. That โitโs too metaphorical and ambiguous for American audiences.โ โItโs an homage to 70s horror. And you just werenโt a fan.โ
And Iโm here to say: Bull. The Fuck. Shit.
No one has been able to explain to me whatโs so ambiguous or metaphorical that itโs just over my head. Sex as a metaphor for lost innocence? Been done in every horror movie sinceโฆ ever. It doesnโt take a film arts professional to see the parallel between the slow-moving-but-inevitable It Follows villain and Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers or old-school zombies. The anachronism was explained to me as a reference to symptoms of sufferers of PTSD. I get that. It had some cool gimmicks. AndโI cannot express this enoughโ the cinematography was freaking amazing. One of the best Iโve seen in a modern film of its genre (or any genre, really). A beautiful homage to 70โs horror (as was the soundtrack).

But the script seemed shallow and it wasnโt so much a horror movie as a thriller. No real scares. The movie was all about tension. Again, thatโs fine, butโpeople who are championing this movieโdonโt tell me this is the scariest movie Iโll ever see and then do nothing to actually scare me.
It Follows featured a lot of interesting gimmicks. Those gimmicks tend to be geared toward film fanatics and no one else. Remember the Steve Martin/Eddie Murphy movie Bowfinger that was pretty much entirely based on inside Hollywood jokes? Yeahโฆ barely anyone does. โOhโฆ FedEx never delivers scripts on time. Har Har Har.โ Thereโs a movie on Netlfix called Animal that I got a kick out of because itโs a modern movie that used practical effects to an excellent end. But the story (and movie in general, honestly) is shiiiiiiit. Great elements do not always add up to a great movie; especially if theyโre something only scholars of the genre or industry insiders will notice.
It Follows isโto meโone of those movies that uses a lot of high-end gimmicks to make you feel like youโre watching something very intellectual, but is really just a sort of enjoyable movie without a ton of substance. Itโs not โpolarizingโ so much as it either gets 5 stars or 3. I donโt think anyone who likes horror films (especially with a sweet spots for 70s slow-burners) will hate it. Itโs worth a watch whenever it comes out streaming, but I wouldnโt spend money to see it in theaters.