A mother in Bentonville, Arkansas, shared her “gender disappointment” online right after she found out that her third child was going to be a boy. Having dreamed of having a daughter since she was little, she seemed devastated and was in tears. The internet, however, didn’t take it too well.
Kaitlin Togami shared her raw feelings on TikTok. She usually shares content centered on her motherhood and family, but the clip above is one of her biggest yet. It garnered 500,500 views, 25,800 likes, and more than 2,300 comments.
The Arkansas woman shared her “raw emotions” in what she labeled her “gender disappointment” video. She was crying, as she had just found out that her third child was a boy, the third in a row.
“Why not? Like, it’s like, the one thing that I want. God, like, why not let me have a daughter?” Kaitlin asked.
She explained that she had done “all the gender-swaying things” to have a girl, a dream of hers since she was 12. She also prayed a lot for it, she said. After all, she had struggled with the news of having a boy before, especially after her second, where she felt “absolutely devastated.” At the time, she was willing to keep trying.
However, this time around, things are different, as “three feels like plenty,” she said.
“I love him so much… But it doesn’t take away the fact that I’m mourning what I don’t or won’t have,” Kaitlin said.
Mourning
The Arkansas woman would then explain why her dream of having a daughter was so special to her. She wanted the mother-daughter relationship, she wanted to do “girly stuff,” and she wanted to go shopping in the girl section at Target and Old Navy.
“I’m just mourning the life that I thought that I would have, even though I love this baby so much,” Kaitlin said.
The woman then said that her pregnancy, at the moment, is “not exciting,” although she knows that she will get there eventually. In the end, she wanted to share the clip to shed light on a legitimate feeling parents go through in an attempt to connect with others.
Reactions
One said, “This feeling and reaction is so valid… Every mom wants a little girl.. I pray you still get your little girl.” Another one commented, “You’re allowed to feel this way. Gender disappointment is a real thing, and pregnancy and raising kids aren’t easy.”
The vast majority, however, took issue with the video, saying that, while her feelings were valid, posting them online was not. One wrote, “Imagine being your son and watching this video…” Another one added, “I will never ever understand people posting things like this on the internet. My heart breaks for your boys.”
Others also found the video insensitive for those struggling to have children. One said, “As someone going through infertility, this makes me really sad.” A mother commented, “To think I just wanted to know it had a heartbeat at every visit.”
In a follow-up, the Arkansas mother reacted to the pushback she received from her original clip. She called the backlash “internet hate” and said that she was moving on with her regular, boy mom life.
