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Disney has tried numerous times to turn its theme park attractions into movies. The results have been mixed. While the worst of these films are half-hearted and empty, the best are genuinely enjoyable, showcasing fine writing and memorable acting. Though the memories and nostalgia of Disney park guests aren’t enough to save all of these films, great Disney actors and movie magic work their wonders in a few of them. With the 2023 remake of Haunted Mansion now in theaters, it’s time to put each theme park-inspired film in its appropriate place.
11. The Country Bears
Celebrities pack The Country Bears: everyone from Christopher Walken to Haley Joel Osment appears in the film in live-action or as a voice-over. Unfortunately, the plethora of big-name stars isn’t enough to redeem the movie. The film follows Beary Bearington’s quest to save Country Bear Hall by reuniting the titular band of bears. What follows is a dull and lifeless attempt at both adventure and comedy. The costumes are fun, but the premise falls flat around them. Disney’s remarkable success with similar projects proves that talking animals are a winning bet, just not here.
10. Jungle Cruise
Dwayne Johnson may always live in the shadow of Maui, his best Disney character. He, Emily Blunt, and the rest of the cast turn in adequate performances in this theme park-inspired movie. The problem is they’re only that: adequate. There’s little here that sparkles. Watching funny people cruise through a jungle turns out not to be enough to make a movie interesting. Jungle Cruise is a suitable distraction for families that want some harmless entertainment. It doesn’t hold much weight beyond that. If you’re looking for something to get you through the writers’ strike, this might not be it.
9. Haunted Mansion (2003)
Horror comedy is a delicate genre. Both of its parts rely on fragile things to work: timing and tone being two of the biggest. Lean too hard into horror; the jokes get smothered. Lean too hard into comedy; it’s hard to be horrified. This is the main problem with Haunted Mansion (2003). This theme park-inspired film features some decent ideas and incredible set pieces but struggles to unify its themes. At least the story of a workaholic realtor trying to make amends to his family is endearing. The result is a fun but awkward film that works against itself in too many ways. If the film has a saving grace, it’s Eddie Murphy.
8. Tower of Terror
Unlike every other film on this list, Tower of Terror was a made-for-TV film rather than a theatrical one. In it, Steve Guttenberg, Kirsten Dunst, and Nia Peeples investigate the 1949 disappearance of five people from a spooky elevator. Made-for-TV films have a bad reputation for lack of quality. While that reputation is sometimes deserved, the Tower of Terror elevates itself above its questionable companions. It’s hard to know what makes the Tower of Terror so charming, though we can safely say it’s not the budget. It’s cheesy but sweet, and Tower of Terror deserves its place in any debate about which movie to watch.
7. Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride is an older film, and it looks it. Renamed The Wind in the Willows when it was released in the US, few moviegoers even realized it was a Disney park adaptation. In it, Mole loses his house and must seek refuge elsewhere. This prompts a journey to restore his rightful abode. Hijinks ensue, thanks to a colorful cast of weirdos played by the Monty Python cast. Despite its age, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride does two things better than almost any other film on this list: physical comedy and practical effects. For that alone, it deserves a watch.
6. Dinosaur
Dinosaur originally featured a more distinctive title: Countdown to Extinction. Developed simultaneously with the attraction of the same name, Dinosaur was supposed to capitalize on synergistic marketing. It didn’t. The film’s commercial failure doesn’t mean it’s bad though. Nor does the fact that it’s only loosely tied to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Any film about dinosaurs can be worth watching if the thunder lizards are good. In Dinosaur, they are, thanks to some surprisingly satisfying effects, making this story of an orphaned dinosaur’s journey home worth the price of admission.
5. Haunted Mansion (2023)
A tour guide, a priest, a historian, and a psychic enter a haunted house. No, it’s not the setup for a joke: it’s 2023’s theme park-inspired Haunted Mansion. What brings such an eclectic group together? They’re trying to help a single mom with her ghost problem. The cast is outstanding, including such names as LaKeith Standfield. Rosario Dawson and Tiffany Haddish. Not everyone will find it funny, but most would agree that some genuinely hilarious moments are sprinkled throughout. If nothing else, it’s a significant improvement over the original.
4. Tomorrowland
George Clooney tends to elevate whatever movie he appears in. Tomorrowland is no exception. The story of a former boy genius (Clooney) and a curious girl (Britt Robertson), Tomorrowland packs in everything audiences want in a theme park film. Elaborate spectacles? Check. Adventure? Check. Fast pacing that doesn’t lose viewers? Check. The film includes everything it needs to; it just lacks a bit of polish in a few areas. That’s the only thing holding it back from greatness.
3. Mission to Mars
In the theme park-inspired film Mission to Mars, a rescue mission is launched after an expedition to the red planet goes wrong. Tim Robbins, Gary Sinise, and Don Cheadle are some of the big names here. Directed by Brian De Palma (of Mission: Impossible and Scarface fame), the film is an authentic attempt to make a good movie about the red planet. It fared poorly at the box office, but dollars aren’t the only measurement of success. De Palma’s a serious director, and the film features several shots that show off his talents. It’s inconsistent, which keeps it from greatness, but still a bold attempt.
2. Pirates of the Caribbean (Later Films)
The Pirates franchise is undoubtedly the biggest success story of theme park films. It’s also the biggest reason the Mouse’s company keeps chasing the dream. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales are great, though not as good as the original trilogy. Time will tell how the newest theme park-inspired jaunt into pirate life closes the trilogy. For now, the later pirate films are the second best. The further adventures of Jack Sparrow, Elizabeth Swan, and their motley crew of friends and enemies keep upping the ante with special effects. They simply lack the same heart as the films that preceded them.
1. Pirates of the Caribbean (Original Trilogy)
Disney may never match the cinematic wonder that is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Its admirable sequels (Dead Man’s Chest and At World’s End) approach the peak of theme park film greatness, but nothing can dethrone the king. Sharp writing, perfect casting, and consistently satisfying special effects win it for The Curse of the Black Pearl. However, as everyone agrees, Johnny Depp’s wobbly, improvisational performance as Captain Jack Sparrow sells it. Everything else is window dressing beside his towering performance. Depp brought one of cinema’s greatest pirates to life, and the fact that he did it in a theme park-inspired film is only more surprising. Disney is no stranger to remakes and controversies, but sometimes they can’t top the original.
