Is robbing ships at sea the only thing it takes to be a pirate? Skull and Bones is counting on the answer being yes, because nothing else about the game does justice to the role. There are black flags and cutlasses, treasure maps and parrots, but it all feels insincere. I don’t feel like Edward Kenway or even Guybrush Threepwood. I feel like Ubisoft stuffed me into Fortnite‘s Buccaneer skin and shoved me onto a boat to play pretend. After 11 years in development, Skull and Bones still managed to fumble the pirate feel, and after thinking about some of the greatest pirate games of all time, I think I know why.
Sea of Thieves Has Something Skull and Bones Doesn’t
Sea of Thieves, Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag, Sid Meier’s Pirates!, and The Curse of Monkey Island have something in common. No, it’s not the ocean. Their gameplay mechanics support the pirate theme rather than undercut it. I don’t just mean they’re fun, although they are. Just like Jack Sparrow in Curse of the Black Pearl, they’re designed from the tricorn hat on down to capture a specific vision of pirate cool. The Insult Sword Fighting of Monkey Island might not look much like co-op battles against Krakens in Sea of Thieves, but they serve the same purpose. They want you to feel like a pirate, and while I’m playing those games, I do.
I don’t know if Skull and Bones dropped its map and sextant in the water or what, but it’s having a terrible time finding that same feeling. Ship customization is arguably what Skull and Bones does best, and when I’m picking out flag colors and cannons for my Padewakang Bombardier, I do see a glimmer of that same swashbuckling charm. The moment I set sail or trudge into port to mingle with my fellow outlaws, however, every bit of earned goodwill evaporates. Every system, from resource harvesting and fishing to exploration and combat, works against the game’s theme. Between the false-choice dialog options and invisible walls, I feel more like a captive in the brig than an actual pirate.
Boarding Parties and Premium Cosmetics
Even the naval combat, which is the highlight of being a pirate in Skull and Bones, ruins the best parts of piracy. If I want to board a ship, I press a single button and am “rewarded” with a brief, generic cutscene. It’s so stale and repetitive that it kills my excitement for the loot I’m getting, which is saying something. AC: Valhalla, Frontiers of Pandora, and other Ubisoft titles have rightly been criticized for prioritizing premium cosmetics over gameplay. At the end of the day, however, those games immersed me in their worlds. Skull and Bones hasn’t, and despite its live-service promises, won’t. If at 11 years of development, this “AAAA” pirate game doesn’t make me feel like a pirate, no number of battle passes will solve that.
Skull and Bones is available for PC, PlayStation 5, and
